You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
