Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize