Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
