We won't sleep together?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
