sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
