Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize