wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
