end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
