I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
