He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
