I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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