you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
