oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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