My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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