Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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