i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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