i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
