Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
