so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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