I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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