sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
