oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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