i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
