this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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