I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just google imaged poop.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
