im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I lost the right to judge tonight
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
