whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
