just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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