i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
