At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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