Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
