So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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