Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
