just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
