Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
