i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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