I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
