ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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