I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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