I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
