i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
