would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
