I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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