we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
