I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
