were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We're too hungover to prance.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
