Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
