the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
this boner is exhausting
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
