pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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