At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
