Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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