I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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