i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
