he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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