i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
