i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
