Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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