Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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