i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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