Your dad touched me again.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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