some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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