Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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