You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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