i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
