i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
