Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
