careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
