Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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