im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
