you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
