you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize