Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
