Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
