Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
