Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
