It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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