Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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