Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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