god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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