Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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