you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
