Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think people are normalizing furries
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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