we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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