so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
