the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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